There are no small upsets.
They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.
The last time I did these lessons, we had a neighbor who liked to listen to the football game from his truck radio very loudly on Saturday mornings while he was working in the garage. It could be heard clearly through our bedroom window and muffled through our den which ruined my wonderful Saturday morning reading sessions. The reason it upset me was because I encountered an internal battle. If I were a “nice, sweet” person, it wouldn’t have bothered me. But it did.
I don’t like being thought of as a controlling bitch. I want to be sweet and nice. So I never once said anything about how loud this man’s radio was, completely resenting the poor guy the entire time he lived next door to us. The problem, of course, wasn’t my neighbor or his radio blaring from the driveway. The problem was that I was wrapped up in my image, and that image was based upon expectations set in my past.
When I was a girl, I used to pray to God to make me “sweet”. I’d make New Year’s resolutions about it and remind myself every morning, “today I am going to be sweet” (which meant meek and mild). Of course, I never figured out how to make it happen. But the fact that I’m not sweet still upsets me.
- I am not upset for not being sweet for the reasons I think.
- I am not angry with my son for the reason I think.
- I am not concerned about my daughter going back to school for the reason I think.
- I am not worried about the curve in her spine for the reason I think.
- I not upset about not having a career for the reason I think.
- I am not nervous about my son moving out for the reason I think.
- I am not upset about not being able to walk without pain for the reason I think.
- I am not frustrated with my lack of energy for the reason I think.
- I am not overwhelmed by the amount of housework that needs to be done for the reason I think.